I'm Tired

I'm tired of starting the day without you.
I'm tired of waiting for the call that never comes.
I'm tired of coming home to an empty house.
I'm tired of sleeping alone.
I'm tired of having no one to tuck in at night.
I'm tired of seeing happy families.
I'm so tired of feeling alone.
I'm so very tired of hearing this too shall pass.

When someone we loves dies, we are left to endure so many things. Their death is the big obvious one, but slowly we realize that there is more...like the thousand and one reminders that our special person died each time we return-alone-for the first time to a place or experience we once shared. And like the no-matter-how-well-intentioned-ridiculous things that people say to us that only make us feel more alone and less understood.
Everyone around us still seems to have places to go and things to do, while our world has either stopped or spun mercilessly out of control. We no longer understand people's need to hurry. What are they hurring to, their own deaths? We no longer have the energy or desire to hurry; time for us changed with the death of our loved one.
In time, when my broken heart has begun to men, though I may still be "tired of", I may also say:

I'm so glad for every day we had.
Thinking of you makes me smile.
I feel your presence with me everywhere.
I know now that death cannot really take you away from me.
I will live ni ways to make you proud.
Life is good; Let me live.

By Deb Kosmer